


The random German girl

by Fukoronoko



Series: Haikyuu Chat ficsss [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, F/F, How Do I Tag, M/M, Sexual Jokes, Swearing, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26819014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fukoronoko/pseuds/Fukoronoko
Summary: One day Oikawa Textes a random number and shit happens
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kinoshita Hisashi/Narita Kazuhito, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Haikyuu Chat ficsss [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046383
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	1. The beginning of Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so me and my friend who is the original female character in this story did some roleplaying and I wanted to make it into a Chat fic so that is what this is. Hope you enjoy! Also Velma if your reading this I love you ❤️

Aliensareoutthere  
Yaho!  
Who dis?

Lemongod  
That’s what I was gonna say how dare you steal my lines stranger  
Who dare disturb me?  
Is this some kind of King perhaps or are you a peasant?

Alienareoutthere  
Excuse me I‘m the founder of this quote 

Lemongod  
Oh nuh-uh  
I was the founderTM

Aliensareoutthere  
I am the GREAT KINGtm

Lemongod  
Mmmmmm sounds fake  
King I can understand  
But adding ˋGreat´ in front of it sounds tacky 

Aliensareoutthere  
How dare you talk to me like that  
Ask Chibi-Chan 

Lemongod  
So...  
What you‘re telling me...  
Is..  
You stole someone else’s name idea for your title?

Aliensareoutthere  
I am the GREAT KING  
OIKAWA TORUU!!

Lemongod  
Ooohhhh  
Wait aren’t you that guy with the physics defying hair who believes in aliens and play volleyball?

Aliensareoutthere  
You know me😍😍  
Yes yes

Lemongod  
Maybe I do maybe I don’t  
How do I know you’re not just some creep pretending to be that little shit  
Hmmmmmmmm

Aliensareoutthere  
Ummm please  
I can prove it‘s me if you want

Lemongod  
Yes please  
Do it

*Aliensareoutthere has send an attachment*

Lemongod  
I stand corrected 

Aliensareoutthere  
😘  
So you 1 of my fangirls

Lemongod  
Scoff  
My name is glen  
Glen Mcbob  
Totally some random dude

Aliensareoutthere  
You go Glen Coco

Lemongod  
...  
Did  
Did you just

Aliensareoutthere  
Yep✌🏼

Lemongod  
And here I thought I wouldn’t be able to like you any more

Aliensareoutthere  
Aww thank you  
😘😘

Lemongod  
* salutes *  
You’re welcome 

Aliensareoutthere  
You are so much nicer than Iwa-Chan 

Lemongod  
Is Iwa-Chan that guy with spiky hair that you’re always hanging off like a leach

Aliensareoutthere  
Yes my beautiful boyfriend 🥰

Lemongod  
Awww cute 

Aliensareoutthere  
Ik 

Lemongod  
Ships,ships every where

Aliensareoutthere  
We are the cutest Volleyball couple 

Lemongod  
Debatable 

Aliensareoutthere  
Wha-

Lemongod  
No I‘m joking  
You two are very cute 10/10

Aliensareoutthere  
Aw thx

Lemongod  
* Chef’s kiss *  
Also may I ask  
How the hell does your hair work it constantly defies all laws of physics and gravity  
Is it sentient?  
Do you have a stylish raccoon living in your head?!

Aliensareoutthere  
Magic 

Lemongod  
Black Magic?

Aliensareoutthere  
Of course  
It‘s how I explain Iwa-Chan’s arms

Lemongod  
PFFT  
„How would you explain those arms?“ „Black Magic.“  
Very classy

Aliensareoutthere  
Yep  
💅🏻

Lemongod  
Pfffffffft  
Ok ok serious question  
What is your stance on Star Wars?

Aliensareoutthere  
Oooooo  
What I would give to be part of that world

Lemongod  
Give what?

Aliensareoutthere  
Makki and Mattsun but that‘s easy  
Maybe even Yahaba

Lemongod  
Ah wonderful  
Wouldn’t we all like to be part of that world

Aliensareoutthere  
Ah yes  
I like you

Lemongod  
I like you too

Aliensareoutthere  
😘😘

Lemongod  
And you have passed every test I can come up with so I guess  
You are now officially my favorite volleyball player

Aliensareoutthere  
Awww  
Oh  
Wanna meet my team?

Lemongod  
Yes yes yes yes yes

Aliensareoutthere  
Ok ok wait a sec

* Aliensareoutthere added you to In this house we hate Oikawa Toruu *

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
Who the hell is that Shittykawa

Lemongod  
I am god  
Don’t make me throw lemons at you

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
😑

SHREK  
I like you


	2. Usernames and Memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHREK  
> I like them
> 
> Lemongod  
> Thank you  
> Nice username  
> Very classy 
> 
> FIONA  
> I heard memes
> 
> SHREK  
> I know right?
> 
> Lemongod  
> I‘m just here appreciating the artistry of you two‘s usernames 
> 
> SHREK  
> It was Makkis idea
> 
> Lemongod  
> They‘re beautiful  
> Is Makki Fiona?
> 
> FIONA  
> Awww thx  
> Yup
> 
> Lemongod  
> Well it‘s nice to meet you sir Makki master of the usernames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemongod = Original female character (Velma)  
> Aliensareoutthere/ Great King 👑 =Oikawa  
> SHREK = Hanamaki  
> FIONA = Matsun  
> Godzillaisbetterthanyou = Iwaizumi  
> Creampuff = Yahaba  
> Mad dog = Kyoutani  
> Egg = Watari

SHREK  
I like them

Lemongod  
Thank you  
Nice username  
Very classy

FIONA  
Did I hear memes?

SHREK  
I know right?

Lemongod  
I‘m just here appreciating the artistry of your two‘s usernames 

SHREK  
It was Makki’s idea

Lemongod  
They‘re beautiful  
Is Makki FIONA?

FIONA  
Aww thx  
Yup

Lemongod  
Well it‘s nice meeting you sir Makki master of the usernames 

Aliensareoutthere  
Matsun what did I tell you abt confusing your names?  
Makki is SHREK and Matsun is FIONA

Lemongod  
...  
Good grief I‘ve been hustled

SHREK  
Aw Oikawa why did you tell them?

Aliensareoutthere  
Bc fuck you

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
Shut up shittykawa 

Lemongod  
Whoever that rude guy is I love your username  
It‘s awesome 

* Aliensareoutthere changed their name to Grate King👑 *

Lemongod  
I‘m just gonna guess it‘s a wild Iwa-Chan

Great King👑  
Yes it is

Lemongod  
Iwa That Name will forever haunt me

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
Thank you

Lemongod  
You’re welcome  
Actually the great king ain’t such a bad name after all

Great King 👑  
Ikr 

Lemongod  
Good job stealing it Oikawa  
I hope you copyrighted it we don‘t want whoever chibi-Chan is suing you 

Creampuff  
What the hell is going on here?

Lemongod  
Who is creampuff?  
Yahaba?

Great King 👑  
OMG Shi-Chan cursed?!

Lemongod  
YES I GOT IT RIGHT 

Creampuff  
First off who is this random person and why do they call themselves a god?  
And why do they know me?  
Also yes surprise mother fucker I can cures

Lemongod  
Careful what you say child don‘t make me throw Lemons at you  
That‘s right  
Lemons as in multiple ones

Great King 👑  
This is Mad dog-Chan’s influences isn’t it?

Lemongod  
Is Mad dog the feral ace guy?  
Is he the ace?  
No wait  
I confuse myself 

Creampuff  
I‘m tried as fuck so I‘m not gonna ask abt the Lemon thing  
Also that‘s the reason I‘m cursing  
Kyoutani has nothing to do with it

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
Oh yeah I‘m also the Ace not Kyoutani 

Lemongod  
Oh yeah right

SHREK  
Hey Yahaba why are u tried in the middle of the day? 😏

FIONA  
Yes why is that so😏

Lemongod  
Hahahahahah

Mad dog  
What the fuck?

Lemongod  
You two, I like you two a lot  
Teach me your ways

FIONA  
Ah yes a fellow memer 

SHREK  
Another child of ours  
Even though Yahaba dosen‘t see us as his parents 

Lemongod  
That‘s me  
If I may

* Lemongod has changed their name to Donkey *

Donkey  
Is this acceptable?

FIONA  
Yes very

Creampuff  
Wtf I‘m not your son

Donkey  
* mr Burns Voice *  
Excellent  
Yahaba you should be honored to be part of the house of meme  
Don‘t be rude

Creampuff  
I don’t even know you

Donkey  
Oh yeah sorry  
My name is Velma nice to meet ya  
* Hands business card *

Creampuff  
Um.. thank you?

Mad dog  
Just stay with them and hope you die Yahaba

Donkey  
...

Great King 👑  
So you aren‘t glen coco?

Donkey  
Maybe I am  
Maybe I‘m not  
* hands business card that says ˋglen coco ´

Egg  
What did I just walk in on


	3. Goth lesbians are superior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new group chat!

Donkey  
Hey there!  
I‘m glen coco nice to meet you

* Donkey has changed their name to Glen coco *

Egg  
Ok...  
Yahaba?

Creampuff  
She is some girl named Velma Oikawa added and Makki and Matsun adopted

Glen coco  
That‘s correct  
I‘m  
ˋsome girl´

FIONA  
Hell yeah

Glen coco  
* hands out business card that says some girl *

Creampuff  
Bitch I only know your name ok

Great king 👑  
YAHABA 

Mad dog  
Heh

Glen coco  
Well then  
*clears throat*  
My name is Velma I‘m half Scandinavian half Latina  
I‘m a raging goth lesbian who likes comics, drawing, Volleyball anime and Cartoons  
Yet my favorite thing is without a doubt my chemical romance  
* hands Yahaba a business card that says all of that *  
If that ain’t an introduction I don‘t know what is

Creampuff  
Goth lesbian? I like you

Egg  
Yahaba what?

Glen coco  
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention I love mothman and anything and everything related to death

Tried  
Same

Glen coco  
Why thank you mr creampuff, egg and tried

Creampuff  
Just call me Yahaba  
Or Shigeru

Glen coco  
Did I really persuade you that much  
Meow-WoW

Creampuff  
Every goth lesbian has a special place in my heart

Glen coco  
Awwwwwww

Great king 👑  
Wait are you related to kuroo or something you make the same puns

Glen coco  
You mean the rooster haired fuck waffle

Turnips  
Kunimi are you ok?!

Great king 👑  
Yes

Tried  
No

Glen coco  
I think I bumped into him at a train station once  
He infected me whit his cat puns ever since

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
I feel bad for you

Great king 👑  
I like him Iwa-Chan  
He knows how to party

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
Please remind my why I‘m dating you again

Mad dog  
We ask us the same thing

Glen coco  
You mean you think cat puns are a-paw-Ling  
Pfft  
HAHAHAH 

Great king 👑  
MEAN IWA☹️

Glen coco  
Poor Oikawa all he wants is to be loved

Great king  
You get it Vel-Chan

Glen coco  
How much attention do you need Oikawa?

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
A lot

Great king 👑  
Do not

Glen coco  
Don‘t lie  
So when do u want it?

Great king 👑  
All the time

Glen coco  
HECK YEAH  
So Iwa-Chan you better provide cuz if you don‘t take good care of Oikawa god will throw lemons at you from heaven-

SHREK  
Heyyy we’re back

FIONA  
Yepp 

Glen coco  
Heeyyyyy  
The meme masters are back

Godzillaisbetterthanyou  
I-

FIONA  
We have a gift for u

Glen coco  
Me?

* FIONA has added you to It‘s an Avocado thanks *

Glen coco  
Hahah  
The name  
Love it

SHREK  
Welcome to the land of memes

Glen coco  
Thank you father

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
WHO DIS?!

Glen coco  
I‘m glen coco 

Bro  
A girl??

Glen coco  
Don‘t make me throw lemons at you

SHREK  
A memer

Glen coco  
Thank you Makki

SHREK  
You are welcome my memer daughter 

Glen coco  
I‘m guessing the ROLLINGTHUNDER is the Libero who’s one centimeter taller than Dora the Explorer  
And Bro is the bald punk who‘s also from Karasuno

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF MY ONLY WEAKNESS 

Bro  
I‘M NOT BALD

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
Ah yes that too

Bro  
The bro-trail

Glen coco  
Being small makes you a fucking ninja god  
And Tanaka  
You are bald and so am I

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
I never thought of that🤔

Bro  
Bro  
I-

Glen coco

If you’re bald the zombies can‘t grab your hair in the impending zombie apocalypse  
We have high ground

FIONA  
I love our daughter 

SHREK  
Me too

Bro  
OMG brilliant 

Glen coco  
I love u too fathers  
I know I am in fact glen coco the genius 

Bro  
U go glen coco

Glen coco  
Thank you tetsutetsu 

Bro  
He is a total bro  
I like him

Glen coco  
He‘s great  
He is literally iron man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had a biketour yesterday and now my legs, back and ass hurt like hell and I complained to a online friend and now they think I got fucked + I’m sick 🤒


	4. GroTM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Broship is real

FIONA  
Now that you are here child do you have any questions abt the art of memes  
We are here

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
Or just ask abt how cool we are 😎

Glen coco  
Hmmmmmmmmmm  
How many pranks do u pull daily

FIONA  
3minimum

Bro  
Yep 

Glen coco  
I‘m face to face with greatness and it‘s weird

Naruto  
Yoko new memer

Baldbutnottanaka  
Hey  
Wad up

Glen coco  
Ok ok  
Hold up  
Let me guess  
Baldbutnottanaka is Yamamoto  
Nekoma Tanaka  
Tetsutetsu number 2

Baldbutnottanaka  
* sigh *  
Nobody recognizes me  
Hi I‘m Narita

Glen coco  
OH NO  
IM SO SORRY 

Naruto  
And I‘m kinnoshita  
But call me kinno 

Glen coco  
Yes sir kinno sir  
Again I am sorry so so so sorry my fellow bald zombie apocalypse survivor 

Naruto  
Ha

Baldbutnottanaka  
It’s ok I’m used to it

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?!

Glen coco  
HMMMM  
NISHINOYA  
DO YOU LIKE BREAD?  
BAGUETTE PERHAPS?!

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
OHH YES OUI OUI BAGUETTE 

Glen coco  
Sacré bleut much French  
Je ne savais pas tu pouvais parler fançaist!  
Ce magnifique!!  
Vous almez aussi d‘autres types de pains?  
Ou juste des Baguettes?  
French is no fun  
Anyways  
Oui oui baguette  
Lovely 

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
I don‘t speak croissant 

Glen coco  
No one dose it’s all a hoax to cover putze first sonic movie  
That’s how bad it was  
I was possessed by the holy croissant spirit 

Baldbutnottanaka  
Wow that’s bad 

Glen coco  
The holy croissant spirit says he’s coming for your kneecaps  
You have been warned  
Run while you still can

Naruto  
Oh no dear croissant spirit don’t come for my boyfriends kneecaps  
He didn’t mean it

Glen coco  
Let me just ask the big man...  
He says he accepts the apology  
But only bc you very politely asked  
He says he thinks u are quite the upstanding gent

Baldbutnottanaka  
...What is going on?

SHREK  
AH YES THANK YOU  
YOU HIGH AND MIGHTY SPIRIT 

Glen coco  
He says if u aren't careful your knees will be next  
Father run  
You can’t hide from the holy croissant spirit  
He sees all

SHREK  
Oh no I love my kneecaps 

Glen coco  
rUN  
* insert vine *

FIONA  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING  
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING 

Glen coco  
Ahahaha thank you father 2 the holy croissant spirit has decided you are now pardoned from having your kneecaps violently smashed whit a lead pipe  
Father 1 isn’t as lucky  
RIP

SHREK  
Oh no Matsun Save me

Bro  
Wake me up

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
Wake me up inside 

Bro  
SAVE ME!

ROLLINGTHUNDER  
Bro

Bro  
Bro

Glen coco  
The broship is real I can feel the bro vibes through my screen  
Impressive bro-ing

Bro  
Thank you female bro

FIONA  
Fro?

SHREK  
Girl-bro?

SHREK  
GRO

FIONA  
Gro

* glen coco has changed their name to glen broco *

Glen broco  
I vote gro  
Gro is gud  
Gud gud

Bro  
Ok so thank you gro

* glen broco changed their name to GroTM *

GroTM  
You’re welcome bro

FIONA  
Hahah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 💗 kudos and comments are welcome   
>  ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜


	5. Author note

Ok so this is a note I‘m just saying that I‘ll try posting every two day but today I‘m a bit stressed so this not a new chapter. Sorry. Also thank you guys for the support I‘m always so happy to know people read this shit.  
Bye👋🏼


	6. ROLLINGTHUNDER has added Sangwoo to its an avocado thanks

**GroTM**

*strum* Fiooonnnaaa * more aggressive stum * FioooonnnAAAA

Oh my my 

Fionaaaaaaa

that is all 

I will be selling CDs in the parking lot

so long and good night

**SHREK**

AHAHAHA

**FIONA**

I feel like a beautiful princess 

* ROLLINGTHUNDER has added Sangwoo to It’s and avocado thanks *

**Sangwoo**

Are you Lost baby gorl 

**GroTM**

Who‘re you calling baby gorl

Don‘t make me send the holy croissant spirit after your ass

He will beat your kneecaps with a lead pipe 

Don‘t test me

No I’m joking 

Hiya   
My Names Velma

Pleasure to make your acquaintance 

or is it?......

No it probably is

**Sangwoo**

Ya like jazz

**GroTM**

Maybe 

Who‘s asking?

**Sangwoo**

Only the best setter in the world

**GroTM**

...

There‘s only one setter I can think of that’s that full of themselves

or actually maybe two

But why would NishiBroya have his number

Hmmmmmmm

**Sangwoo**

Yeah why is that so?

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

Kageyama gave it to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but my phone is dead and that’s were I have the convo on so yeah. But comment on who you think Velma thinks it is.


	7. Sangwoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I...idk

**GroTM**

is it the one and only tacky great king by chance?

Ah

It all makes sense now

at least I see the light

and it’s full of flying glowing cabbages 

**SHREK**

Ah we raised u well

**GroTM**

thank you father 

I learned from the best

*strum* Fionaaaa

* monotone * And Shrek 

**FIONA**

HELL YEAH WE R QUEENS

**SHREK**

YASSSS

**GroTM**

hahahah

or should I say

Attachment  [Kuroo laughing]

**Bro**

gro

omg

**GroTM**

bro

I know

**Bro**

Gro...

**GroTM**

bro...

**Sangwoo**

Am I interrupting something 

**SHREK**

yes now shut the fuck up

**GroTM**

hahahaha

You tell them pops

**SHREK**

😘

**GroTM**

* cheers *

oh

OH

ALSO

@Sangwoo

**Sangwoo**

yup

**GroTM**

Attachment  [Ushijima saying you should have come to Shiratorizawa]

I‘m just gonna leave this here......

* runs for my fucking live *

**FIONA**

Jo Makki we gotta send this Oikawa 

**Sangwoo**

wait you thought Oikawa was the best setter

bitch he didn’t even go to nationals 

* Sangwoo changed their name to BetterMiya *

**GroTM**

No

Just that he’s the only one I could think of that was that egotistical and narcissistic 

ahhhh

**BetterMiya**

ok waw

**GroTM**

hey I‘m not good when I’m out on the spot 

cut me a break thing 1

**BetterMiya**

Excus-

**SHREK**

LEAVE PURE BEAUTIFUL MEME CHILD ALONE!

**GroTM**

this is this conversation 

correct me if I’m wrong I won’t listen but you can correct me

but I do believe this is this conversation 

also thank you dad

**SHREK**

yes yes sweet child

**GroTM**

i love you

**SHREK**

I love you too


	8. Craw craw motherfucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga wants to adopt and Tsukki is salty

**Bro**

Yo Gro?  
  


**GroTM**

Oh shit what is it Bro?

more like OH SHIT WADDUP

Anyway

**Bro**

gro u wanna come into our group chat u r amazing and we need more gays 

**GroTM**

fuck yeah I do bro 

**Naruto**

this is gonna be great

* bro added GroTM to craw craw motherfucker *

**Yam‘s Moon**

Who the fuck is that?

Ewww

**GroTM**

don‘t make me come for your kneecaps with a lead pipe 

**Tsukki‘s Star**

Tsukki be nice!

**GroTM**

thank you who I assume is Yamaguchi 

**Yam‘s Moon**

How do you know him, shorty?

**GroTM**

Ok first of all how do you know I’m short second of all that to insult short people because they are wonderful little mischievous ninja devils and thirdly I’m the all seeing eye 

so naturally 

I see all

and know all

**Yam‘s Moon**

...

**Bro**

hahahahahah

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

THANKS GRO!!

**GroTM**

you‘re welcome bro

* finger guns *

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

* Finger guns *

**Naruto**

everybody this is Velma

**GroTM**

Ahyo hoy

Nice to make your acquaintance 

Except you Tsukki

**Baldbutnottanaka**

She is a lesbian so don’t worry

**GroTM**

Yes

Yes I am

Professional goth disaster lesbian 

at your service 

* salutes *

**Sugarimyourmom**

Another gay child to be adopted 

**Notyourdadchi**

Suga no

**Sugarimyourmom**

Suga yes

**Donewithyourshita**

What have you done this Time Tanaka?

**GroTM**

Awwwww that’s so sweet suga but I’m afraid I’ve been adopted by my meme-Mentors Shrek and Fiona- 

**Sugarimyourmom**

Nooooooooo😭

**GroTM**

Is That Ennoshita being done with everyone’s shit? 

**Donewithyourshita**

umm... how do you know me?   
  


**Yam‘s Moon**

That‘s what I asked

**GroTM**

@Sugarimyourmom pat pat

Didn’t you pay attention I’m the all seeing eye

I see all 

I know all 

**Yam‘s Moon**

...

**Tsukki‘s Star**

Tsukki no


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry I have been a bit busy so I’ll will probs not upload every two days anymore but I’ll update as soon as I can! I will take a brake from this fic for now bc I have been drowning in school work but y’all could check out my other fics it would make me really happy!


	10. Oh boy oh geez

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ennoshita is done with your shit Tsukki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn’t post school has been tiring 😔 but yeah hope you enjoy this and I’ll try posting more! Kudos and Bookmarks are always welcome and if you enjoy this fic maybe check out my others too while you’re on it. Now bye👋🏼  
> GroTM= Velma  
> Sunshineboke = Hinata  
> Bakayama = Kageyama  
> Yam's moon= Tsukki  
> Tsukki's Star = Yamaguchi  
> Bro = Tanaka  
> ROLLINGTHUNDER = Noya  
> Donewithyourshita = Ennoshita  
> Baldbutnottanaka = Narta (I know normally his name is Naruto and kinno has something else but I messed up their names and now Im mad at myself but it stays like that Idc)  
> Naruto = Kinnoshita  
> SugarImyourmom = Suga  
> Notyourdadchi = Daichi  
> Notholyanymore = Asahi (not yet here)  
> Blondeandscared = Yachi  
> Queen = Kiyoko (not yet here)

**GroTM**

Would satan be more convincing?

Never mind 

how I actually know is that I saw you guys on tv

and thought you were awesome so I did research 

**Sunshineboke**

OHH THANK YOUUUUUUU YOU SEEM COOL TOO

**GroTM**

ARE YOU HINATA AKA THE NEW LITTLE GIANT?!?!?!??

**Bakayama**

Boke Hinata

**Sunshineboke**

OOOOOHH YES YES IM THE LITTLE GIANT THANK YOU! 💖💖

**GroTM**

And you must be Kageyama right?

**Bakayama**

You aren’t the little giant boke 

@GroTM umm yes

**GroTM**

JUST BEING HONEST 

He is too don’t be rude

 **Sunshineboke**

YES DONT BE RUDE BAKAYAMA!

**GroTM**

Hahahah

**Blondeandscared**

Umm who are you? Are you here to kill me? Is it because of Kiyoko-san?

**GroTM**

Blame Bronaka and Nishibroya for my presence 

And no I’m not here to kill you 

And no I’m not here because of Kiyoko

its all good

 **Blondeandscared**

Oh.....good..

sorry

 **Donewithyourshita**

Tanaka,Noya?

**Bro**

I ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED TO COME!

**Yam's moon**

Hah simp

 **ROLLINGTHUNDER**

YEAH

 **Donewithyourshita**

Did you ask Suga or Daichi?

**Bro**

...no

**GroTM**

Nooooo don’t be mad at my bro’s 

it was all my fault 

I’m the mastermind 

I like brainwashing them or something 

uhhhh

THATS IT 

MUAHAHAAHA

YEAH

Yknow how evil I am?

Much.

 **Donewithyourshita**

Sigh

**Yam's moon**

Did you really just _write_ sigh?

**GroTM**

pffffft

 **Donewithyourshita**

Yes and if I did? I put up with enough shit to be allowed to do so

 **Yam's** **moon**

Oh yeah like what?

**Donewithyourshita**

Like walking in on one of you gays every two days

**GroTM**

Oh boy oh geez

PFFFTTT 


	11. ...OK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AsaNoya and the Enno wants to bleach his eyes.

**GroTM**

Hey hey hey

I missed youuuuuu

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

YEAH MISSED YOU TOO

**Bro**

haha Bro I missed Yuu

**GroTM**

Haahah

was that a pun?

 **SugarI‘myourmom**

Yes we missed you too, honey

**Bro**

YeP

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

and a Damm Good one

**Bro**

Bro

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

Bro

**GroTM**

Yeah it was egg-ceptional

Anything interesting happen between the last time we talked and now?

**Sunshineboke**

Asahi senpai and Noya senpai started dating!!

**Bro**

Ohhhh Yes!!

**GroTM**

The Gays have multiplied

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

THE GAYS

**Notholyanymore**

Babe please...

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

Sorry..

**Donewithyourshita**

Get away with your stupidly sweet PDA

I feel so single

**Bro**

You don’t gotta be

**Donewithyourshita**

What?

**Bro**

What?!

**Notyourdadchi**

Chile so yeah anyway...

No other than that nothing really happend.

**GroTM**

Wonderful

**SugarImyourmom**

And with you sweetheart?

**Yam's moon**

Could you not talk to us like we are your children?

**SugarImyourmom**

No❤️ Now shut up sweety 

**GroTM**

@SugarImyourmom I guess the most interesting thing that happened was me telling a guy (more like yelled) to fuck off, go fuck himself, shut the fuck up and take that opinion of his write it on a pice of paper fold it small,wet it and shove it up his ass in front of my whole class consequently making everyone from class except for my friends not to meet my eye and not speak to me.

so that was fun

Tsukki don’t be harsh sugas mellow

**SugarImyourmom**

OMG YOURE THE KID I ALWAYS WANTED 

**Tsukki's star**

...

**Sunshineboke**

...

**Donewithyourshita**

...

**Bakayama**

...

**GroTM**

awww ❤️

 **Bro**

...

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

...

**GroTM**

@everyone else what?

True story

...

You’re all freaking me out

**Notyourdadchi**

Suga apologize to the other children 

**GroTM**

oh

Oh

OH

**SugarImyourmom**

Oh yeah...sorry

Love you

**Bakayama**

Suga you made Hinata cry and Idk what to do

**GroTM**

What have I caused I don’t want to make suga make Hinata cry

 **SugarImyourmom**

OH SHIT

SWEETIE IM COMING 

**Yam’s moon**

that was actually a pretty good story not gonna lie

I liked it

**GroTM**

Thank you Tsukki

**Yam’s moon**

Don’t call me Tsukki

**Tsukki's star**

Yeah only I get to call him that

**GroTM**

Whatever you say Fred

let me make clear that I’m stopping for Yamaguchi‘s sake-

**Donewithyourshita**

Um guys how do you bleach your eyes?

**GroTM**

Was it because of my Fred calling or something else 

If it was me I am truly sorry

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

Pfft Fred calling

**Bro**

Enno u ok?!

**Yam’s moon**

*you

**GroTM**

Fred calling is my middle name-

Fred sis you say it’s because of my Fred calling?

Such accusations 

**Donewithyourshita**

I...I just walked in on something... um...interesting 

**GroTM**

. Oh boy oh geez

Poor Ennoshita 

**SugarImyourmom**

Ok I just got back from Hinata. What’s going on and why do you want to bleach your eyes Ennoshita ?

**Donewithyourshita**

So apparently Narita is a bottom

**Yam’s moon**

pfft

Hahahahah

**GroTM**

I concur with what Fred said


	12. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the whole team has the same therapist.

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

BRO WHAT THE FUCK

**GroTM**

hahahahaha

**Tsukki‘s star**

TMI TMI TMI

**GroTM**

but also poor Ennoshita 

mostly poor Ennoshita 

*pat pat*

**Donewithyourshita**

Thank you

You don’t wanna see your best friends fuck

**GroTM**

understandable 

have a good day

**Donewithyourshita**

I need a better therapist 

**GroTM**

*all the pats,pats and pat pats*

**Donewithyourshita**

Don’t get me wrong Steve is good just that it seems he needs a therapist himself after I’m done telling him about my daily life.

**GroTM**

Steve is a professional 

Im sure Steve can handle himself-

**Tsukki‘s star**

Oh I go to Steve as well! He’s nice

**Yam‘s moon**

Wait what-?

**Notholyanymore**

Oh yeah he really helps me

**Tsukki‘s star**

Right?

**GroTM**

So everyone goes to Steve,huh?

**SugarI‘myourmom**

Pretty much

**Notyourdadchi**

wait you too?

**SugarI‘myourmom**

Well I have to deal with a bunch of oblivious gays

**Notyourdadchi**

Me too

**SugarI‘myourmom**

No you refuse to believe they are your children

**GroTM**

Steve seems like real upstanding gent I’m glad you guys have Steve-

Thats the real problem 

why won’t you just accept your fate

**Notyourdadchi**

But I’m only a year older-

**GroTM**

Hush now

You can’t escape the facts

facts don’t lie

**Bro**

YOU DONT LOVE US DAD?!

**Notyourdadchi**

No I-

**GroTM**

That is just cold

*covers Hinata‘s ears virtually*

*ROLLINGTHUNDER changed Notyourdadchi to Dadchi*

**Notholyanymore**

wait what am I?

**GroTM**

the uncle

*ROLLINGTHUNDER changed Notholyanymore to Hotuncle *

**GroTM**

But wait

Then makes that nishibroya an uncle too???!!!

**Yam‘s moon**

why am I still here?

**GroTM**

EHH?!

Bc you love and treasure us Fred

**Tsukki‘s star**

Tsukki!

**Yam‘s moon**

Ah that’s why

**GroTM**

fair enough 

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

YASSSSSSSSS

IM THE COOL UNCLE

**Hotuncle**

why can’t I be the cool uncle?

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

YOU ARE ALREADY THE HOT UNCLE

**GroTM**

hahahah

@nisibroya can I call you „uncle Noya aka the coolest of cool uncles“ can I bestow you with that title?

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

OFC YOU CAN!

*asahi.exe has stopped working*

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

OH SHIT ASAHI FAINTED

AAAAA

**GroTM**

Thank you Noya aka coolest of cool uncles-

RIP ASAHI

**SugarI‘myourmom**

It is ok he’ll survive 

**Hotuncle**

what the hell Suga

**GroTM**

will he tho?will he really?-

Oh never mind he’s alive

**Sunshineboke**

OMG ASAHI-SENPAI CURSED!!!?!

**Bakayama**

Calm down boke 

**GroTM**

*gasp*

Dont soil the sunshine child’s innocence uncle

**Hotuncle**

Oh nonononono

**Sugarimyourmom**

ASAHI I WILL-

🙂🔪

**GroTM**

Suga don’t set a homicidal example for your children!

**SugarI‘myourmom**

but he-

**Dadchi**

Suga...

**GroTM**

I know

but murder is not the solution 

**SugarI‘myourmom**

Ok I guess

(Murder is always a solution)

**GroTM**

...

**Yam‘s moon**

You know this text and you can’t whisper 

**SugarI‘myourmom**

(Don’t tell me what to do.I am your mother after all)

**GroTM**

I take back what I said about memer dads

Adopt me pls

**SugarI‘myourmom**

YESSS ANOTHER CHILD!

TAKE THAT MATTSUN AND MAKKI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for not posting this fic much but instead starting like 3 or 4 others 😅 but this fic isn’t dead!  
> MERRY CHRISTMAS ❤️❤️


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinnonari Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one:  
> Me adding more dirty jokes than that we’re already in

***SHREK** and **FIONA** have added themselves to **Craw craw motherfucker***

 ***GroTM** has changed their name to **Seijohtraitor***

**SHREK**

I heard you were talking shit about me

**Dadchi**

wt-

**Seijohtraitor**

Im sorry dad and dad but I was offered a homicidal sweetheart

**FIONA**

OHH NO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

**SHREK**

You made a meme with us...

 **S** **eijohtraitor**

I know...

UGH WHY MUST I CHOOSE 

CURSE THIS INFERNAL WORLD

**FIONA**

Ok I would also take the homicidal sweetheart

**SHREK**

I would too

but can we be the weird gay uncles that try to sell you drugs but you still love them?

**Seijohtraitor**

OBVIOUSLY

the one and only

weird uncles

**FIONA**

OR the grandparents that give you all the sweets and tell you to not tell your mom

**Seijohtraitor**

You can be the cocky grunkles that way you can be both

and now you get to say things like

“back in my day“

and retail me with stories of old

**SHREK**

Absolute

**FIONA**

you know back in my day we memed correctly 😌

 ***Seijohtraitor** changed their name to **vampirewiththebestfamily***

**Naruto**

Wait...ENNOSHITA WHAT THE FUCK?!

**Donewithyourshita**

Oh you finished after all

Did not think you’d let Narita

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

*chokes*

damm

**BaldbutnotTanaka**

I can explain 

**Bro**

ha bottom

**SugarImyourmom**

HEY WHATS SO FUNNY ABOUT BEING A BOTTOM?!

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

Bro...

**Tsukki‘s star**

😳

tmi

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

*chokes on beans*

the beans have been spilled

**Yam‘s moon**

I did not need to know that my „mom“ is a bottom

**Bro**

I...sorry

**SugarImyourmom**

HELL YEAH YOU SHOULD BE 

also thank you for finally admitting I’m your mom

**Yam‘s moon**

that was sarca-

**Tsukki‘s star**

Shhh Tsukki

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

the beans were spilled all over my fishnets-

fred

dont

you

dare

**Donewithyourshita**

but like seriously in the club room?

and you didn’t expect anyone to see you?

**Baldbutnottanaka**

I...it was a heat of the moment discussion 

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

*sips blood from fancy porcelain tea cup*

**Donewithyourshita**

heat of the moment? You were sweating and gross from practice and waited till _most_ were gone

i unfortunately wasn’t 

**Naruto**

I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD-

**Donewithyourshita**

what? You’re trying to scare me? I saw your dick up Naritas ass

**Baldbutnottanaka**

I want to dieeeee

**Yam‘s Moon**

not only you

**Tsukki‘s star**

Tsukki no

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

HY WONT MY GIF SEND...I’m trying to call shade

man the chaos is real

**Sunshineboke**

Wait what does bottom mean?

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

*pours bleach into eyes*

**SugarImyourmom**

HINATA GET AWAY FROM YOUR PHONE!!

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

shhhhhhhhhh

NOTHING 

NOTHING AT ALL

RUN

KAGEYAMA

TAKE IT

**Sunshineboke**

but I want to know

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

TAKE AWAY HIS PHONE

**Bakayama**

Boke get away from your phone

**Sunshineboke**

but Andhdkdjcmyk

**Bakayama**

took away his phone

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

thank you

**Bro**

why are you at Hinatas? 😏

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

what Are you guys doing?😏

**vampirewiththebestfamily**

DONT

 ***vampirewiththebestfamily** changed their name to **thisvampiremighthurtyou***

**SugarImyourmom**

NISHINOYA TANAKA

**Donewithyourshita**

TANAKA 

**Hotuncle**

Noya..please

**Bakayama**

we Are watching a Movie why?

**Bro**

Sorry enno😔

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

Sorry babe

**thisvampiremighthurtyou**

the pet names

so many pet names

**SugarImyourmom**

Am I just going to be ignored?

ok

**thisvampiremighthurtyou**

SUGA NOOO

*virtually hugs the shit out of you*

* with magic*

**SugarImyourmom**

awww thank you sweetie 😘

**Dadchi**

I don’t know if I should be happy or concerned that kageyama doesn’t get it

**thisvampiremighthurtyou**

no prob bob(suga)

it’s ok if they’re both oblivious and innocent no Chaos will rain

**Dadchi**

well yes-

**Donewithyourshita**

I think you underestimate us

**SugarImyourmom**

Bob is Good but what about mom?

**thisvampiremighthurtyou**

that works too

mom

**SugarImyourmom**

*fist pump* yes


	14. GREAT KING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seijoh~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: Kageyama and Hinata gave each other the names. You’re welcome 😌✨

**FIONA**

wow Karasuno is a mess I think we should have gone there

**Dadchi**

wait who are you again?

**SHREK**

haha SURPRISE BITCHES WE ARE STILL HERE

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

*GASP*

THEY ARE MY GRANDPARENTS 

EXCUUUUUSE ME

HOW DARE YOU

**SugarI‘myourmom**

SHUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH

Not in front of the children

**Sunshineboke**

Yeah not in front of me

**Yam‘s moon**

I...

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

hahaha

protect the innocent 

**Dadchi**

Sugar please

**Yam‘s moon**

Sugar

**Tsukki‘s star**

Sugar

**Sunshineboke**

Sugar

**Bakayama**

Sugar

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

Sugar

**Bro**

Sugar

**ROLLINGTHUNDER**

Sugar

**Dadchi**

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP

**SHREK**

Anyway so...

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

hello Fred 

**SHREK**

Before you kik us out

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

hello grandpapa hello grandpapa

 **Shrek** has added **Great King** , **Godzillaisbetterthanyou** and 5 others to **Craw Craw Motherfucker**

**FIONA**

hello beautiful memer granddaughter 

**Great King**

Oh is this the Karasuno chat?

**Bakayama**

oh no

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

OIKAWAAAAAAAAAAA

Kageyama run

**Sunshineboke**

GREAT KING

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

hinata

**Great King**

CHIBBI-CHAN

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

I have to tell you something very very important 

**Bakayama**

Oh god please no

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

Hinata listen

**FIONA**

We have created chaos

**SHREK**

perfection

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

Hinata I have very important news to pass onto you

**Sunshineboke**

??

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

I beg of you

Youre the reason Oikawa is referred to as great king you gave him his title and he’s enternally greatful he’s forever in your debt and is yours to command

*saluts*

**Sunshineboke**

OMG IS THAT TRUE?!?!

THANKS ALOST

**Great King**

ofc I’d do that I’m great

**Godzillaisbetterthanyou**

no you aren’t 

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

pfffffttt

YES ITS TRUE

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

@FIONA and @SHREK * whispers* may chaos rain 

**FIONA**

LET IT RAIN!!!

**SHREK**

LET IT RAIN!!!

**Thisvampiremighthurtyou**

HELL YES

may it rain like the blood 


End file.
